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Hooking up with girls and connecting with other local queer people no longer seemed insurmountable. Don’t open with something generic or weak that isn’t going to prompt them to answer. (If you don’t care about pop culture, ask a specific and slightly bizarre question about something you do care about, duh.) It’s an easy way to see if you have similar interests, to talk about culture and art, and to have a fun back-and-forth before making plans to meet up. I’m not saying the following is an exhaustive list of every first message I sent,* but it does include the best. Far too many of my matches did not have an answer, but they always replied, because in a sea of “what’s ups” and “how are yous” and “heys,” my first stab at striking up conversation stood out.Tinder can be exhausting, and my relationship with it was extremely love/hate. And none of it would have happened if I hadn’t dived into the part of Tinder that can be the most anxiety-inducing: sending the first message. You’ve both expressed interest on a very surface level. One time, a girl gave a complete answer with reasons and everything… At some point, I decided this was a perfectly reasonable question to ask people I was trying to make out with.Bloggers poured over the data, estimating that of the 5.5 million female profiles on the site, as few as 12,000 were real women — allegations that Ashley Madison denied. Bots are infiltrating just about every dating service.A whopping 59 percent of all online traffic — not just dating sites — is generated by bots, according to the tech analyst firm, Are You a Human. Spammers are using them to lure victims on Tinder, according to multiple studies by Symantec, the computer security firm.Last July, he found out that he wasn't the only one getting the silent treatment.A hacker group called The Impact Team leaked internal memos from Ashley Madison's parent company, Avid Life, which revealed the widespread use of sexbots — artificially-intelligent programs, posing as real people, intended to seduce lonely hearts like Russell into paying for premium service. The strangers hitting you up for likes on Facebook? And, like many online trends, this one's rising up from the steamier corners of the web.And the reason for that was simple, too: at the age when everyone else was learning how to date, I was extremely closeted.I came out at the very end of college, and I struggled. I have always been an extroverted introvert, a contradicting duality I often attribute to being a Gemini, which makes connecting with people difficult.
After all, everyone loves feeling that they have been listened to.Before I met my current girlfriend, I decided to master Tinder. I didn’t necessarily want to win Tinder, but I did want to be good at it.And the reason was simple: I was terrible at dating.Instead, scan the woman’s interest section in her profile, and look for things you have in common (for further details on this, watch my video here).It could be small, like a shared love for a certain TV show, or it could be a bit more unique, like you both love kite-surfing.